Umbrage's Guide on How to Win Scum Games

Originally posted on Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:18 pm [1]

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This is a guide for new players and a review for old ones on how to win with a Mafia PM, every single time. I have never lost a scum game using this method, and every time I deviated from it, I was quickly lynched.

Now, there's sure to be some clown who will dig up some old scum game I lost and try to use that as evidence that I shouldn't be taken seriously. That person is full of shit, and likely completely stupid as well. This method is fail-proof BECAUSE I have lost games. Every loss teaches me something. I have learned through trial and error what works and what doesn't. And even with my method, I have lost. You can't control everything in a game, sometimes events occur that lead directly to your lynch and there's nothing to be done about it. There's a lot of randomness in mafia. And of course there are times when I simply fucked up. I'm not perfect. My method is. I have absolute faith in these rules, so much that I expect that even after I expose the list to everyone it will still be every bit as effective until the site meta changes. The beauty of this method is that it relies on town's hesitations. Even if the town knows exactly what you're doing, they'll still be too scared to lynch you. Townies are notoriously afraid of everything, particularly the unknown. They are more likely to lynch a player they are unsure of than a player that they think is scum. Townies are morons. In order to win, you must prey upon their stupidity.

These rules are all important, they are numbered for ease of reading but they have no hierarchy. Obey them all.

Remember: you do not have to make the town believe you are town. You just have to avoid getting lynched. NEVER EVER play a scum game as if you were town, because you're not, and it will never work. Contrary to common logic, the best way to survive is not to appear town. Players that are obviously town get lynched all the time. The best way to survive is to manipulate people into doing what you want them to do. If your reads are good enough, you can use some of these strategies to win town games as well.

1. Be funny. Be charming. If someone has a question, answer it promptly, honestly, and in a friendly way. Never make an entire post contain only a joke though, townies hate that. Weave them in your posts. Pretend to be posting from a phone and make some funny autocorrect mistakes. Or link to a small .gif file. It doesn't matter what. If you make people laugh, they will like you. Trust you. And they can't help it, it's basic human psychology. If they say to cut out the jokes, do so immediately and with a contrite apology.

2. Have at least one firm town read on a townie. From as soon as it's reasonable to the end of the game, that one player is town to you. Don't pick someone randomly, have a good case behind their towniness. Then ignore all criticisms towards that townie. Best case scenario, they get lynched and you earn mega townie points. Worst case, you get lynched and everyone suspects that townie. Plus, townies love to pick out people without town reads, so you should be safe from that.

3. Don't have a meta. At all. Make your play exactly the same across all games. Even if you absolutely hate being X alignment, suck it up and play your best. If anyone ever thinks you're scum because of a meta tell, you have fucked up. Find out what you did wrong, and fix it for the future.

4. You have absolutely no connection to your scumbuddies. At all. You cannot give a shit whether they're lynched or not. You will not buddy them. You will not bus them. You will, however, argue with them. When you're ganging up on the same townie, poke holes in each other's cases. Bicker. Do not get along. It doesn't matter whether you find each other town or not, you just can't look like you're synchronized. Town picks up on that, not consciously, but they will notice and it will bite you in the ass. Generally scum buddies are either best friends or mortal enemies. Don't do that.

5. Never have a VI or lurker town as your primary suspect. All other things being equal, a VI or lurker will always be the lynch. It is your job to be in on this lynch as a compromise. You can't ignore the wagon because that shows scum knowledge. You can't push the wagon, that's too dangerous. Do your own thing, but come deadline, say that guy's going to be the lynch no matter what you think and switch over. This isn't hard to do. As I said, townies always want to lynch VIs and players that are annoying, no matter how town they look. All you need to do is give in at the right moment. The mislynch isn't your fault, you're just going with the flow.

6. A clueless townie that is hard to lynch is a great asset, particularly if they have a short fuse and lots of posting time. You should always be testing potential wagons, and you'll usually find one guy who nobody wants to lynch. That guy is now your primary suspect. Tunnel on him all day, then when nobody else wants him dead, you settle for a VI townie lynch, then do it all over again next day.

7. Be as distracting as possible. While people will complain if you make too many wall posts, almost nobody complains if you take up several pages with a silly one-on-one argument that nobody else cares about. This can be done with a buddy or your primary suspect. Use confusing pronouns whenever possible to increase uncertainty, and never let a single point drop. Argue your stance back and forth, getting more obscure each time. If you make reference to an earlier post, state the number but do not give a link. Nobody will admit that they can't follow the argument, they will find it difficult to concentrate both on reading you and pushing their own agenda, and best of all, they can't call you out on anything because you're just a loyal townie doing his best to catch scum.

8. WIFOM is good. Use it whenever possible. Nobody really knows if it's a scumtell or not, and few people actually know what it is as well as how it applies to games. If you're going to use WIFOM to counter an opponent's argument, be sure to end your statement with "so that's all WIFOM anyway". This has the double effect of protecting yourself from getting caught using WIFOM and voiding the topic. Someone might catch on to what you're doing, but you can just ignore them. You won't get lynched for that. Since nobody knows what WIFOM is, they can't say it's a scumtell.

9. Never ever ever use OMGUS. Even if someone obviously has a bad case against you and is really scummy, never vote them back. Even if the word OMGUS is never used, people will be thinking it, and they will see you as a weak loser. If your suspect votes you, be sure to imply this, only without using the word OMGUS since that sets people off, and nobody's really sure what to make of it now.

10. Make lists. Take all the players in the game, and make a list of them with your thoughts. Use the words 'town', 'scum', 'null', 'gut' and 'leaning'. I'm surprised people still use these, they mean absolutely nothing and their only use is to make it look like you're doing more shit than you actually are. But somehow, players love them. They eat them up. So do around one per day, then forget you ever made it. There are always new events happening that change your mind, after all, so you can't hold people to that kind of thing. I know, dumb as shit, but townies buy it.

11. Kill off the serene ones. The townies that have no emotions whatsoever. You can't rile them up, and if they catch you you won't shake them. If they think you're town, then you can let them live for a while, but remember that they're usually unlynchable. Townies want drama in a lynch, and they won't get it from someone who doesn't get mad. Be careful though, because a lot of the townies that seem sensible and cool on the outside are just ready to erupt. Make them lose it. Break their spirits and the game is yours.

12. Quickhammer once per game. This is such a major scumtell that it actually becomes a towntell. Particularly if your hammer is accompanied by a large post reaffirming the reasons for the lynch.

13. Appeal to Emotion works. It's also nearly impossible to prove. You have to create a sympathetic character that will appeal to the townies. Someone smart, honest, eager to hunt scum, but hiding a scared and vulnerable centre. Don't be afraid to have a breakdown when under pressure. People won't like it, but it'll work all the same.

14. Don't respond to attacks. I was shocked to discover this works, but if you stick your head in the sand long enough the threat actually will go away. See, townies are scared of dealing with problems head on. They don't want to push for answers. If you simply don't give answers, they have no idea what to do. Now if someone goes to the trouble of making a huge case on you, that means they're locked in and you should reply to everything they say. But let the casual things slide. Responding to attacks will only draw attention to yourself.

15. Take any chance you get to 'confirm' yourself as town. Do something that scum would never ever do. It doesn't matter how illogical or WIFOMy your story is, just keep saying it. You're practically confirmed town. If you believe it, they will believe it. People absorb information by repitition. People are also stupid.

I think that's enough of a list. Feel free to ask any questions. I might do another article on the types of players you meet in games, and how to manipulate them. Every game has the same cast of characters, and with practice you can become adept at recognizing them. Characters like the Town Leader, the Indecisive, the Arrogant, and the Immature. I'm sure you know some people who fit these archtypes.