Toaster Strudel

Player Characteristics

Mysterious yet prolific player who plays dumb to survive and be more persuasive. Really, really dumb. Toaster Strudel suffers not from shame and there is no limit to how dumb she is willing to look to fool people. Doesn't appear to ever pay attention, does not read special game instructions, and logic is almost always faulty. Paradoxically endowed with a brilliant scumdar. An idiot savant. Almost as funny as DrippingGoofball, which is perhaps not a coincidence.

Evidence and Quotes Supporting Toaster Strudel's Weak Mental Faculties

• PBuG:

"TS, your time wasn't being wasted, you were just being uncommonly dim."

• Fritzler:

"Do you ever get tired about being wrong all the time?" Response: "No. For a true idiot like myself, the novelty of being wrong never wears off."

• Toaster Strudel:

"...admittedly, I am not the brightest bulb in the marquee."

"I must defer to brains that are so much more sophisticated and better irrigated than the bean-sized, oxygen-starved bit of grey matter tightly housed in my thick skull."

• dahen:

"you were generally unhelpful at the start, voted a claimed cop, gave up on discussion because of the lost vote, confused me with others, forgot what I had claimed and not claimed and never seemed to understand my points."

• Primate:

"TS, stop being dim."

Evidence and Quotes Supporting Toaster Strudel's Finely Tuned Scumdar

• Knew Fritzler was scum way back when, but no one listens to TS.
• Campaigned tirelessly to secure a lynch of BlackBerry despite his being cleared by a dead cop, and continued to believe, rightly, that BlackBerry was scum even after the false revelation that he was a "Mason."

Self-Selected Quotes

• "When candies die, don't they become vegetables?"
• "Go extinct yourself."
• "I am ready to jump out of giant cakes and give lap dances at bachelor parties the whole day"
• "Stop picking your nose."
• "The giant cephalopods of Alpha Omega 3 are watching our every move with the eyes on their tentacles."
• "I was bathing in a tub of warm white chocolate, with floating maraschino cherries."
• "I will ride a unicycle, serve as human cannonball, toss cream pies, and scare little children."
• "Oh, is that Tinkerbelle I spy in the lily-of-the-valley?"
• "I have an appointment with Dr Kevorkian at 15:00. If I get run over by a bus on the way, I'll save his $200 fee."
• "Woooaaawe! There are beautiful corpses! These three lucky players will be chewing on dandelion roots for eternity!"
• "Don't bother calling 911."
• "I feel like I am trapped in a cage of baboons at the zoo's primate exhibit. That's right, dumb baboons with fluorescent pink behinds, tossing feces at each other, and counting them."
• "When I read his analysis, he suddenly appeared to me like the shining golden Appollo, resplendent in his perfectly sculpted human form, looking at me as if I was Venus herself, being borne of the gentle sea breeze."
• "I don't give a rat's tutu."
• "Boing! Boing! Sproiiing! Wroing! Boing!"

Avatar

Signature

"Squeezable icing, flaky pastry crust and sweet, gooey fillings are irresistible."

External Links

• Pillsbury's Official Toaster Strudel Page
• Wikipedia Toaster Strudel Page
• Ingredient List
• Toaster Strudel vs. Pop Tart
• Strudel vs. Pop Tart